Long Time No Blog!

Wow! We have been busy around here! I thought that once school was out I would be able to get so much stuff done! Well, boy was I wrong. It has been a slow go but we are getting there. I have been having some major nesting going on. I feel the need to get the whole house, every nook and cranny, organized. It is taking me much longer then when I got the house ready for James' arrival because now I have an 18 month old "helper". The nursery is getting closer to being done, but our to-do list is still long. I went into labor again last Thursday and they were able to stop it for a second time. I will be 34 weeks on Sunday and we go to the doctor Monday for another ultrasound to see how big Brendan is now. Almost 3 weeks ago, he was estimated to weigh 5 lbs 1 oz so I am sure it is getting closer to 6 lbs now. Hope to hear some news about when we can expect our little man to arrive. No one thinks I will make it until August. My mom dreamed the baby is coming July 15th so we will see!

Two weeks ago James got sick and we had to take him to the emergency room at Cook's Children and also to Urgent Care. Poor baby was really constipated to a point that he had impacted bowel and had to undergo some unpleasant procedures. He was a tough little guy but for about 10 days he was just not himself. He has been off of dairy and bananas pretty much for 2 weeks (we did try one ounce of cheese and 8 oz. of milk) and that has been hard. The doctors told us to give him 8 oz of undiluted juice daily and increase his fiber. We are also having to give him Miralax every few days. We take him for his 18 month check up Friday and hope the doctor gives us some ideas on how we can slowly reincorporate dairy into his diet. I know he misses it!

An exciting development here is that James has really started saying so many words! Every day it seems like he learns a new word. He is also able to point to his nose, ears, mouth, belly, hair and feet. He's learning his shapes and says and identifies circles and ovals all over the place. We are working on triangles now. Here is a list of all the words James is saying: Daddy, Momma, Granddada, kitty, Tucker (comes out like "Cucker"), cross, out, go, tree, water tower (comes out like "wawa"), ball, circle, oval, balloon (comes out like "boon"), flag, car, truck, eat, blue, dog, baby, feet, shoes, pigges (for toes) and bird. I am sure there are some more, but those are the main ones coming to mind. We are working REALLY hard on Nana! :-)

These pictures are of James helping Daniel with Brendan's room.

I am the Mother of Two Miracles

So we heard the best four words on the planet this morning: Your baby is healthy!

8 years ago I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, an autoimmune disorder where your own body destroys your thyroid. That combined with other endocrine issues I have faced makes it really a miracle that we were able to conceive James and baby Brendan. My thyroid problem has reared its ugly head during this pregnancy, causing some major worry for our family.

As some of you know we have had an extremely difficult last 3 weeks waiting on news about our new baby boy Brendan. I had some blood test results that prompted my OBGYN to refer me to an endocrinologist who performed more tests, including a serum antibody test. Those results came back prompting him in turn to refer me to yet another specialist after discovering that my antibodies are passing at a high rate across the placenta and could do so much harm to Brendan. It was very serious stuff. We were told some things that were unimaginable, things I can't even bear to type out here.

I do not think I can really tell you how this felt, but I will try. I know any mother who has waited for news like we have waited on has probably felt the same way. I felt like I was walking around in a fog, like this could not really be happening. I prayed repeatedly anywhere and all the time for a healthy baby. I rationalized with myself that the doctors were just covering themselves, telling me every last horrible detail to protect themselves from liability. I told everyone I felt too good for something to be so wrong. I talked to God in the shower and while driving the car or while waiting in line. I told God that I knew I might be asking for something he would not give me. I told God that I would love and accept whatever baby he could give me, but to please just let me know him. I prayed that if something were wrong that the world would be kind to my boy and love him like I do. I even ran this crazy notion through my head of detaching myself from this tiny little person kicking away beneath my ribs, in case something went wrong. Like somehow it would protect my heart. Ridiculous! I tried to put the whole thing out of my mind, pushing away the thoughts that would crop up but to no avail. I felt numb. I folded and refolded tiny clothes and socks willing my baby to make it long enough to wear them. I counted kicks obsessively, growing worried if I did not feel the familiar bumps and turns within me. I hated myself for allowing my mind to go to these dark places of imagining the worst case, thinking that if I had more faith these thoughts would not even cross my mind. I spent time wondering how mothers go on if their children die or how children go on if their mothers die. I got up, went to work, cooked meals, bought groceries, planted flowers, laughed with friends and continued to mother James, thankful for the distraction. I felt stabbing guilt if any time went by where I had forgotten temporarily, if I was having fun, like I had for a moment given up this silent internal vigil for my child. Sometimes, many times, I excused myself to cry alone in the bathroom. I laid awake at night willing myself to sleep and yearning for some peace in my heart. I asked for strength, courage and perseverance. I leaned on those I love, but kept most of my fears deep inside hoping if I did not reveal all of them they could not possibly come true. I faked my life for the last three weeks, routinely going through the motions, sometimes having to literally remind myself to take a breath because I had been holding my breath so long. But now I can stop all of that because today a doctor told me my son is healthy!

PRAISE GOD! Today, in his office on the first level of Harris Hospital, Dr. Tabor, a high-risk OBGYN gave us the good news while looking at high resolution images of our peanut.......everything with Brendan is ok! Better than ok! It is a miracle! How many can He bestow on me when I am so undeserving? Yes, an honest to goodness miracle with a perfect heart with four perfect thumping chambers growing in me, despite me. A baby that has escaped the dangers of my own body while growing right there as part of my body! He is healthy from his head to the tip of his toes. No organ damage, no goiter, no fetal bone growth problems, no heart issues, no malformations of any kind. No reason to think he won't come through delivery like a champ! No need to take blood samples from the umbilical vein! No need for a team of doctors or a waiting NICU. Just a healthy baby and nothing more. He is perfect! And big! Already over 5 pounds! He has escaped the risks of my auto-immune disease and problems if any, will be minimal. I took a deep breath for the first time in weeks today. And I am taking the advice of my doctor who finally gave me permission to stop worrying. Now I will. And I will start living again, not on auto-pilot, but for real, and for my boys. But I will not stop praying. This time it will be for all the waiting mothers who did not get this news today.

Digital Photography 101

I am taking a photography class at the local rec center with my friend Kelli. I feel like we have already learned so much that I did not know! We are figuring out how to go beyond just the automatic settings. Our first assignment focuses on aperture, which is basically how open the lens is. The lower the f-stop, the more open and more light and the higher the f-stop the more closed the lens is. I think.....
Still learning. Anyhow, our first assignment was to take 3 single-theme aperture shots and three storytelling aperture shots. The former means you use a lower f-stop and focus on one object while blurring the rest of the shot. The later refers to a picture with an object in fore-ground, mid-ground and background with everything in focus. You do this with a higher f-stop.
Our teacher suggested we try out our new skills on inanimate objects and work our way up to live subjects. I am having a lot of fun and enjoying the book we are reading, "Understanding Exposure" by Bryan Peterson.
Let me know what you think. The first three shots are the single-theme shots and the last three are the storytelling shots.